So we were on our way to Pampa and they called and said we could have the house--they changed their minds. But I had emotionally prepared myself to keep looking, so rather than turning around and going home, we kept going and found one that we like better. It's OLD...like my Grandma old, but it's been completely redone by Lance's mom & step-dad. It won't be ready for 3 weeks, but they have offered to let us stay in their guest house until it is ready. I will post some pictures soon!

I just have to share this. I don't know what we were talking about but Kim rattled this off to me:

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas"
-Kim Sims Bell

It makes me laugh every time I think of it. I know she didn't make it up, but I'd never heard it and coming from her in the situation we were in...it was awesome!

Vic is better, but in true fashion of the everything-that-can-go-wrong,-will-theme of the summer, they have decided not to sell us the house. It was listed for 149900, the appraisal came back that it was 130 someodd square feet smaller than listed, so the value is only 135000...great for us! Well, the dumb ass relocation co., Graebel, didn't have the house appraised before paying the home owner the offering price that we agreed on. SO, now they have chosen to back out of their contract because we 1. can't get a loan for more than the house is worth and 2. won't pay more than it's worth...because it's NOT worth it! I'm not real sure who they think is going to pay more than the house is worth, but I've got news for them: people that can afford to pay cash (or a very large down payment to cover the difference in what they want and what it's worth) are NOT going to be buying a house that small and for that little amount of $...they will go much bigger. But whatever. I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. So we are going BACK to frickin' Pampa tomorrow to look at more houses...

William and Heather came today to help me clean out my classroom. I thought it would be sadder than it was. But I was kinda glad to be outta there. I didn't clean it up as nicely as I should have...but there was no a/c...they want me to clean, they can turn on the air...otherwise, not my problem!

We leave Monday for New York. We will be back the following Monday. 36 hours before I start work in Pampa and I have no where to live and my house isn't packed.

Stress.

Vic's in the hospital. He had to have emergency surgery to remove his appendix. Anyone willing to come help me pack...this is so NOT fitting into our schedule! I'm just home for a minute to get our cell phone chargers and something more comfortable to sleep in because he wants me to stay at the hospital. Oh, and to let Nancy out. He's good though, joking around and talkin' shit...so basically back to normal.

So I FINALLY saw Sex & the City tonight with Jamey. I loved it. It was great. All I could ask for...more really...because I couldn't imagine how they would put so much of what we had all grown to love with the girls into a movie. But they did, and I applaud them for that. I teared up a few times through the movie...but not as much as I thought. But I did cry all the way home. And even sat in the garage and cried once I was home.

As I left Jamey at the theater, after we stood and talked and laughed a bit outside and walked to our cars in the rain and hugged and stated that we'd see each other this weekend, it hit me. Like a Mack truck. I'm leaving. I'm moving away from every security blanket that I have. My dad, bothers, friends, work, house, even Nancy's vet, EVERYTHING. The last time I moved away from somewhere (Lubbock) the world still seemed so big and full of possibilities. I don't know when that feeling left me, but it did. I don't want to go anywhere because I'm not interested in the possibilities that are left in the world to explore. I like my life, here, in DFW...right where I've been for the last 8 years. I've made my HOME here.

I don't see Jamey and Kim very often, but there is something so comforting about the fact that I can drive 30 minutes and meet Jamey for a movie about girlfriends and love. Kim can drive 30 minutes to come over once she gets the kids in bed to sit outside and talk til' 4 a.m.

I'm really sad to be leaving here. And very overwhelmed by how fast things are happening.

Since we last spoke...

I have turned 30 and had the most fabulous semi-WT party around. Jamey, Kim, Vic, William, Mandy, Kelly, etc. are the best friends ever! It was just perfect. William grilled, Kelly let us borrow the kegerator, Jamey made the most delish cupcakes (including a giant pink one for me!), Vic and Mandy cleaned the back yard....it was just awesome! I love yall!

We have also bought a house in Pampa, so it is officially our new home. Follow this link: tinyurl.com/5kud6z to see it. I'm really excited to live in a smaller house. This one has just been TOO big for us! BUT! We still have a guest bedroom, so PLEASE come visit us! It's going to be an adventure for sure! I am excited to live close to Chappell again--she's about 45 mins away in Amarillo. I'm going to be teaching science & social studies to 4th graders, which is also pretty exciting since I love those two subjects.

Here I sit on my birthday eve and am surprised to report that I'm not bothered at all by the fact that this is my last day in my twenties. Growing up, I always wanted to be older. I wanted to be a "teen" when I was twelve, I wanted to be fifteen to drive, then 18 to vote, go to college, etc., then 21 to drink and go to Vegas, then 25 to rent a car, etc. I actually remember writting a paper in 6th grade about turning 35 and running for president. I predicted that I would not be the first woman president, as I was sure then that it would have for sure happened by the time I was so OLD at 35. As a side note, I'm really glad it's NOT going to happen this year...and that I've lost that desire to run!

Anyway, on my 17th birthday my Mema gave me a charm for my braclet that said "Happy Birthday" on one side and had "17 more 34" engraved on the back side. She always said that I acted twice my age. I hope that's not the case these days--ha ha--especially since I still feel 17!

So I went to see "The Happening." For anyone that knows me, knows that is not like me. I am a chicken. I didn't used to be, but it developed sometime in the last 10 years-ish. But I like M. Night Sham-a-lama-ding-dong. SO I went with Vic. It got really bad reviews and I now I know why. It was a frickin' environmental statement movie and I wish that someone would have warned me about all the suicide. For those of you that go, just be warned...the "happening" that happens...makes people kill themselves. In the first few minutes of the movie you figure this out, so I didn't spoil anything. But when the girl takes the metal chop stick out of her hair...close your eyes. This is the first one of his movies that I didn't like. I even liked Lady in the Water, which a lot of people didn't. Anyway, I'd love to hear other opinions.

We might be moving to Pampa, TX. It's a big possibility "might" too. I have an interview there on Tuesday at 9, so cross your fingers for me! Not real excited about the town...but I'm trying to look at this as an adventure. I just need an answer.

I'll be 30 in a week. Weird.

I went to my first appointment with the highly recommended fertility doctor and was lectured about how he could not "ethically" treat me because I was "obviously so self destructive" and once I show that I'm "serious about wanting help" getting pregnant (by loosing weight) then to come back and we can talk about it. He said that there are many birth defects that babies of fat mom's are prone to (but couldn't tell me what they were) AND that I was at a much higher risk for death if I were to get pregnant (even though he said many times that he had delivered healthy babies to women much larger than myself). He told me that by helping me get pregnant that he would also be contributing to the childhood obesity problem because he was sure that my children would be fat. He, and his nurse, attempted to refer me to a "bariatic specialist" because there are GREAT results with the Roux-En-Y procedure (but earlier he was concerned that I might die...right....)!

He did acknowledge that I'm healthy--on paper--no abnormal blood work, blood pressure, etc. With the exception of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which includes being fat as a SYMPTOM.

SO that's that. No babies for my fat ass, because obviously my parenting abilities are determined by the fact that I'm fat.

And we can't adopt because of Vic's record from his college days--one charge, no conviction, but because it was something that COULD have hurt someone...now he is an unfit parent.

SO unless it starts raining babies, it looks like we will be shopping for a new poodle soon...

7 School Days. So close, yet so far away. It's so weird for it to be Memorial Day, but more school days are ahead. I never like these last few days because everyone is DONE--kids, teachers--all of us. The library is closed. Text books have to be turned in tomorrow. So what's the point?

Tonight Vic, William, Heather, and I are going to Lance and Lori's to cook out. I'm about to go to the store to get the stuff to make a salad & homemade ranch dressing. I have spent the last hour googling "Chili's Ranch Dressing" but I can't find a copy cat recipe that seems right. I'm just tired of only liking ranch dressing in restaurants. It's not good out of a bottle and I have grown tired of the mix some mayo & milk w/ a packet kind. I finally settled on one that got good reviews, so we shall see.

So You Think You Can Dance came back last Thursday. I love it SO much! It's the most fun show ever. It inspires me to dance...of course not like them, because well, they are the size of my thigh, but I think that Vic and I are going to take dance lessons. Not sure what kind, and for sure not until I am finished w/ school (graduating in August--yeah!) and until my feet are fixed (June 20th having Extracorporeal Shock Wave Technology, aka Ossatron) but we are! And I can't wait! But for now, you so need to watch it!

I have the best "natural high" today. This weekend was my dear friend Jared's wedding to another friend, Ashley, in Austin. Kim, Mandy, Teri, and I went down Friday and came back yesterday. I have not had that much fun in years. I partied like a rock star. I drank good keg beer. I danced in a conga line. But the best part of the weekend was the reminder of how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I hadn't seen Jared, Landon, Hog, Toby, Bobby, Amanda, and Dustin since our reunion almost 2 years ago...we picked up without missing a beat! It made me miss Lubbock so bad when we all lived right together. It really was just like old times--it was so hard to leave yesterday. I told Mandy that I wanted to do what we usually did "the day after" the party ended--go eat Mexican food and all lay around at someone's house and watch movies on TNT until they looped back around and started again...but instead, I drove home and got in bed. We all vowed not to let 2 years pass by again without getting together!