Look at the pretty earrings! We had an awesome time...and we realized that night (May 20th) that our graduation was EXACTLY 10 years before!

By the way, it's:

Me, Jamey (Bride-to-be!), Lindsey, Jennifer, Kim, and Leasha

I saw pickled watermelon rinds at Kroger tonight. Why do they sell that?

I'm going to be teaching a different class next year. It's a medically fragile class, like downs, cp, etc. It's going to be a challenge, but it will be cool. I really dig the kids. I will only have 3 for sure and possibly 1 more that I've not met. I need a break from emotionally disturbed kids, but I think I'll eventually go back to that once the topic of suicide and bipolar don't make my stomach churn. Because it is where my heart and soul is...just too close to home for now. So I'm going to work with the sweet little MR kids that do puzzles and hug you all day. They have a nap time and a movie time built into their days. It will be good.

William moves here tomorrow for the summer. He got a job at the golf course that is like 2 minutes from my house...but he will be living w/ my dad because it's free and I would charge him 1/4 of the bills. Of course he'll have to drive like 15 miles each way...but whatever. I'm just excited he'll be here.

Is anyone else so sad that Chris was voted off of American Idol last night? He is the first person that has EVER been on that show that I would actually listen to. Not to mention that he is easy on the eyes.

I'd like to mention that I am really really really ready for Mother's Day to be over. For like 3 weeks now everyday there has been a sale flyer in the mailbox, a poster on the window when walking into the store, and 1 million TV commercials reminding me to buy her something. Neither FedEx or UPS delivers to heaven, I checked. My bible study is not even meeting on Sunday evening because of Mother's Day. Dad and Will are playing golf w/ Lance and Randy. I'm thinking of taking my poodles to the new dog park that just opened in Denton. I am their mother, and if I take them and wear their asses out--they will be calm and collected afterwards which is the best mother's day present they can give me :).

Off to a PTA meeting.

I am sick, think I'm getting the flu (fever, muscle/joint aches, nausious, etc) and Mandy went to get me some ginger ale, soup, tylanol, etc. I would normally call my mom and whine to her. She would listen and make suggestions as to what would make me feel better. I know everything she would say. But it sucks that I can't call her. Feeling shitty makes everything worse.

Otherwise, I had an ok week. I worked everyday but yesterday. I'm taking off this Tuesday because my Dad is having a stress test done and I have to drive him. I'm off school next Friday, so Dad and I are flying to Las Cruces to stay w/ William for Easter on Thursday night. I love Easter. It will be good to go see him, I haven't been to his house in 2 years.

Glad to see some of yall blogging...

Early this morning, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00, the time and date was 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't happen again for 1000 years.

Neat.

I'm in Vegas. My dad's thought was that it's 24 hours a day, no one knows us, and we are all comfortable here. All true. Doesn't really make it better. We talked last night about how everywhere we turn, there she is. Never in my 20 someodd years of coming here do I ever remember rain, or overcast skys really, but that's how it is. And it's just in the 60's. Her favorite weather.

We ate in a restaurant last night that we have always eaten at, Kokomo's at the Mirage, and they had completely remodeled it-wasn't even in the same location in the hotel. We talked about wanting to tell her about how different it looks and things that she would have liked...like the face that there were now wide armless chairs, which are very fat friendly.

I have grown up with my grandma talking about things that her mother did and said; and things that she would have liked or that she would have disapproved of, so I know that I am in for a long road of memories popping up everywhere. And I'm ok with that--I'm the girl who hasn't lived in Hobbs in 8 years, but still talks about it everyday...ha ha. But I don't want this to all happen in vain. I don't want her death to be in vain. I keep thinking about writing a book.

Now, I am by no means an expert on the topic of death, mental illness, or anything else for that matter. I read an artile yesterday written by a woman who lost her husband on 9/11 and she talked a lot about just because it hit her close to home, that she is by no means an expert on terrorism, public policy, or anything else in that realm. And I agree. Except for the fact that the human spirit lives to have companionship. We are pack animals, so to speak, and we like to know what others experience. We like to look at someone else and say "Ohh, she has it much worse than me." or "That is exactly how I feel!" SO my mind is still spinning and most of my thoughts are incomplete. Easily distracted. But my incomplete thought right now is that I'm going to write a book about my life with my mom. And about this disease that took her life. People are still very afraid of mental illness. And that won't change until there are better treatments and we stop alienating the mentally ill. Until the stigma is gone and it's looked at like diabetes or cancer. Mental illness used to be looked at as a character flaw within the person. That is somewhat better today; but it is still looked at as an undesirable attribute. And it shouldn't be that way. So I'm working on what to do with all my thoughts, ideas, and sadness. I need to make something positive out of it--because that's the only way I'm going to get through each day missing her.

I'm off, my room service is here. Then I'm going to the art museum here at the Bellagio. I've always wanted to do it, and my mom has always said "maybe next time" because she didn't ever really want to go. Sadly, I don't have to consider that anymore.

Last Friday I talked to my mom on my way to work and she asked to spend the night with me. One week later, on Friday night, I am home from her funeral in Hobbs. People, humans, are resiliant...but life is fragile. And mental illness is this devil. I kept telling people that I was fine, because I always am. God is always with me and I am at peace with that. I also told them that the true test would be once I was home and alone. And I'm not doing so well with this test. I can rationally confort myself; but I am having a hard time calming my mind. I can't get some really horrible images out of my head. I can't stop wondering what her face looked like with a gun in her mouth. I can't stop wondering what her last thought was. I want to know if she was scared or sad or so crazy that she was peaceful. I know she knew that I loved her dearly, but I want to know if she knew it then.

I'm not spell checking because I'm crying to hard to do so...sorry grammar queens.

Could someone please blog. I keep getting on here as a diversion from reality and there is nothing new. Post pictures, post a me-me, something.

James came for Valentines Day. He was sick, so we just laid around a lot...but it was fun. We had dinner at 3 Forks last night. He gave me a little pink beanie baby poodle and kept appologizing because it's ears were wrinkled while traveling....I kept dismissing him and saying they were fine. Finally he told me to check them and I realized the pup had earrings on for me :). Little pink hearts. Very sweet. I was so sad he had to leave this morning, especially since it looks like I won't see him until I go there for the weekend of March 11th when we are going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the chance until now :). Anyway, he's sweet, Valentine's Day was good, and I'm going to do the Time Warp again for the first time very soon!

I'm a certified teacher, BTW. Well, just in Special Ed., but still...that was the main test I was worried about. I am about to take the PPR (Pedagogy and Professional Responsibilities) and then the generalist test. But I scored a nice 89% on my spec. ed. test. Yeah!

Carson is the cutest cat ever. I love his paw pads, they are pink with freckles. Just in case you were wondering.

What is your favorite word? splendorous

What is your least favorite word? moist

What turns you on? intelligence

What turns you off? pretentiousness

What sound do you love? Kitty purrs, harps

What sound do you hate? the smoke detector when the battery is low

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? professional shopper

What profession would you not like to participate in? anything on stage

If heaven exsists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I'll be so excited to be there...that it doesn't matter what He says!