Ya know that old saying about if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all? Well, I've put it in practice with my blog too. I've been in a mood. Going to school each day puts me in a funk, and I don't just mean the way my room smells. But things are improving--I think. There were 4 of us on 6 kids; but one was fired and one quit in the same week. Both are probably blessings in disguise; but it's been hard on the 2 of us that are left.

Dad had shoulder surgery the week before Thanksgiving and just got to take his brace off this week. That was an ordeal, he can't stand to be slowed down. It was actually really hard on me because it was kind of a major surgery--they made him have a stress test before they did it to make sure his heart could make it through the surgery--so I was really worried through the whole thing. It was intensified without mom being there. You loose one parent and suddenly the other one seems more fragile. Loosing someone who has, in your life, ALWAYS been there forces you to face the reality of your own mortality and that of those around you. I was a freak about it from the time I found out he was having the surgery until a good week or so after. I wish I could make him live in a bubble.

We had a really nice Thanksgiving. It wasn't has hard as I thought it was going to be. Me, Dad, Sheri (his "friend"), Vic, and William all went to Lance and Lori's to eat turkey and all the stuff that goes w/ it and then watched the Cowboy's game in their media room. The next day, William and Vic helped me cook a turkey, etc at Dad's house and Sheri came over and the 5 of us ate. I have a new appreciate for that meal. It wasn't hard, just took me forever! I think next year will be easier because now I know what to expect. But my mom would have enjoyed it and would have been proud of our efforts :).

As for Christmas, we will dine on tacos and enchiladas and margaritas...as me, Dad, and William will be in Playa del Carmen. Yeah for Mexico!

Momma MOE: I am SOOOOO excited! Yeah for babies!

Another month has pretty much slipped by and I haven't written. I don't do much other than work. This class is proving to be rather challenging. Not so much the kids, but just the general situation. There really need to be three adults in the room, but it's just me and another...both of us are exhausted...and bruised.

Anyway, only 3 weeks to Thanksgiving break! And then just 3 weeks after that until Christmas break! For Christmas me, Dad, and William are going to Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I love it there. The holidays are probably doing to be rather rough this year...it's hard for me to really think about them without feeling that familiar lump in the back of my throat....

Upcoming dates: Nov 12-parents would-be 30 year anniversary; Nov 18-my Mema's (mom's mom) birthday; Nov 23-Thanksgiving-one of my Mom's favorite holidays, she collected turkeys (I'm taking over the collection, BTW); Nov 25-would have been Mom's 51st birthday.

This was Mom's favorite time of the year. She called November "her month." She loved the weather, fall leaves and the pumpkins. Summer was my favorite season growing up, but the older I've gotten the more I agree with Mom. Mostly because I love it being cooler--there's nothing better than a cool breeze blowing around some crispy leaves. But I also love the anticipation of the holiday season...and winter clothes, I like them so much better than summer clothes--all the rich colors!

It's rained all day here today--so peaceful! Ok, lots of love...yall update!!!

The year 1961 can be written both upside down and right side up, and still appear the same; this won't be possible again until 6009. That's so cool!

I'm going to take pictures of my classroom very soon...as I finally have it all together (only 7 weeks into the year :))!!! I have fun stuff like Dr. Suess numbers and pink poodley stuff around my desk! But I am ready for Thanksgiving break...I think William, Dad and I are going to NYC to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. We agreed even before Mom's funeral that we would make a point to make the holidays enjoyable and be together...so we are plannin' a trip :)!!

The 4th week of school ends tomorrow. I feel like we just started...but at the same time, I feel like I've been working with these kids forever. The new population of kids that I'm teaching is COMPLETELY different than anything I've ever been exposed to. I've learned so much so quickly that I'm having a hard time processing it all before taking in the next piece of new info. But I'm happy. I'm really enjoying the challenge of each day. Right now I'm really focusing on some behavior issues that I feel come from the inability to communicate effectively; meaning that the kids are frustrated by not being able to speak in a way that people understand....so they act out. But there are lots of possibilities for them!

I didn't go to work today though, seems an evil poop disease attached me vengefully. Also yacked a few times yesterday. I picked it up in Houston last weekend. I'm better tonight though, but not well. Ode to Imodium.

I think it's funny that Paris Hilton got arrested. I wonder if they put her in the drunk tank???

This was the quote on my teacher calendar yesterday, the first day of school. It seem so fitting to how my year is starting off...

"Is it progress if a cannibal learns to use a knife and fork?"
-Stanislaw J. Lee

I sat in a long long long staff development about technology today. Carson the Wonder Cat seems to have had the same kind of day...he was obviously very busy.

So I've been thinking about the definitions of "vacation" and "traveling." I have traveled some this summer, went to Hobbs to the HHS reunion; went to Austin to Derek's wedding; going to Midland for Jason's wedding. I went to Vegas in March, but that was an escape...nothing fun about it. Before that, I went to Vegas last September for William's 21st birthday, which was fun...but it was fast and hot. SO here are the technical definitions according to dictionary.com:

Vacation: 1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.
2. A holiday.
3. A fixed period of holidays, especially one during which a school, court, or business suspends activities

Traveling: To go from one place to another, as on a trip; journey.

You see, today was my last official day of class, I still have some assignments due for my online class...but I don't actually have to sit in a seat and listen to jibber jabber again. But I start work a week from today. So there is no time for a vacation because I have to go work on my classroom and finish the online class, etc. I do know that I am going to Monterey, CA next March for my 10 year Catalina reunion...I didn't graduate from there, but I lived there a year and I want to go see everyone. And I'm going to New Orleans next June for sweet Whitney White's wedding. But those a so far away, and both places have an agenda.

So the point is: I'm in need of a VACATION, because my TRAVELING wasn't enough. I need a vacation that I can just chill. Lay on a beach, tour a museum, and eat weird food. So I am going to start planning something. Don't know where, when, or how I'm going...but just starting the planning process might make me feel better. Thought I'd share.

***Disclaimer***
I, Amanda, am completely aware of how spoiled this sounds and I completely don't care. Thanks.

My 10 year reunion was this past weekend and I had so much fun! Everyone was exactly the same, with only a few exceptions. One big difference was that more people were friendlier...which isn't even a word, but they were. I guess people growing up and not being as insecure makes a big difference. HHS class of 1996 wears the 10 years since graduation nicely.

I heard that a few people didn't come for reasons like they got fat or they didn't think they had done enough with their lives...that is ridiculous! People didn't care at all...and there were so many people to catch up w/, that you really didn't even have time to think about those kinds of things! Anyway, I'm already looking forward to the next one...some people were talking about doing a 15 year one and I really hope they do!

I am extremely tired though, I didn't get to bed until 3 friday night and we didn't even get home until 5ish sat night!

As if I wasn't feeling old already (Happy Birthday to me!), then I find this article:

High Pitched Cell Phone Ringers for Teenagers

Apparently, teenagers are downloading this high pitched ring for their phones because adults can't hear it. There is a nice little chart of how we naturally loose our hearing with age. There is also a link to listen to the ring. I can't hear it. Not at all. Vic can. He's 31...I'm just 28. So sad.

So if there has ever been a perfect wedding, I was in it last weekend. From the moment Jamey and Doug met, which is an amazing story that involves Doug being in a coma and Jamey recognizing him from the cover of the Baylor hospital magazine, to the very last bubble at the reception, there has been something magical about the two of them together! The whole thing is better than anything I've seen on A Wedding Story!

My weekend began when I checked into the Doubletree on Friday evening and the festivities began. Brunch was held at the Mansion at Turtle Creek on Saturday morning, and of course we were escorted in a limo to and from, manicures at the Red Door Salon were next, and then the most picture perfect wedding and reception anyone could ever imagine.

Anyway, congrats to my dearest Jamey and welcome to the family to Mr. Doug...who are in St. Lucia as I type. I love you both!

Anyway, here are a few pics on the photographer's site: Jamey and Doug's wedding

And just as a note, one of the last pics is Bryan sliding Avery (the flower girl) through his legs as they were dancing away on the dance floor. Avery is quite the little leg shaker...she didn't leave the floor the entire night!

Look at the pretty earrings! We had an awesome time...and we realized that night (May 20th) that our graduation was EXACTLY 10 years before!

By the way, it's:

Me, Jamey (Bride-to-be!), Lindsey, Jennifer, Kim, and Leasha

I saw pickled watermelon rinds at Kroger tonight. Why do they sell that?

I'm going to be teaching a different class next year. It's a medically fragile class, like downs, cp, etc. It's going to be a challenge, but it will be cool. I really dig the kids. I will only have 3 for sure and possibly 1 more that I've not met. I need a break from emotionally disturbed kids, but I think I'll eventually go back to that once the topic of suicide and bipolar don't make my stomach churn. Because it is where my heart and soul is...just too close to home for now. So I'm going to work with the sweet little MR kids that do puzzles and hug you all day. They have a nap time and a movie time built into their days. It will be good.

William moves here tomorrow for the summer. He got a job at the golf course that is like 2 minutes from my house...but he will be living w/ my dad because it's free and I would charge him 1/4 of the bills. Of course he'll have to drive like 15 miles each way...but whatever. I'm just excited he'll be here.

Is anyone else so sad that Chris was voted off of American Idol last night? He is the first person that has EVER been on that show that I would actually listen to. Not to mention that he is easy on the eyes.

I'd like to mention that I am really really really ready for Mother's Day to be over. For like 3 weeks now everyday there has been a sale flyer in the mailbox, a poster on the window when walking into the store, and 1 million TV commercials reminding me to buy her something. Neither FedEx or UPS delivers to heaven, I checked. My bible study is not even meeting on Sunday evening because of Mother's Day. Dad and Will are playing golf w/ Lance and Randy. I'm thinking of taking my poodles to the new dog park that just opened in Denton. I am their mother, and if I take them and wear their asses out--they will be calm and collected afterwards which is the best mother's day present they can give me :).

Off to a PTA meeting.

I am sick, think I'm getting the flu (fever, muscle/joint aches, nausious, etc) and Mandy went to get me some ginger ale, soup, tylanol, etc. I would normally call my mom and whine to her. She would listen and make suggestions as to what would make me feel better. I know everything she would say. But it sucks that I can't call her. Feeling shitty makes everything worse.

Otherwise, I had an ok week. I worked everyday but yesterday. I'm taking off this Tuesday because my Dad is having a stress test done and I have to drive him. I'm off school next Friday, so Dad and I are flying to Las Cruces to stay w/ William for Easter on Thursday night. I love Easter. It will be good to go see him, I haven't been to his house in 2 years.

Glad to see some of yall blogging...

Early this morning, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00, the time and date was 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't happen again for 1000 years.

Neat.

I'm in Vegas. My dad's thought was that it's 24 hours a day, no one knows us, and we are all comfortable here. All true. Doesn't really make it better. We talked last night about how everywhere we turn, there she is. Never in my 20 someodd years of coming here do I ever remember rain, or overcast skys really, but that's how it is. And it's just in the 60's. Her favorite weather.

We ate in a restaurant last night that we have always eaten at, Kokomo's at the Mirage, and they had completely remodeled it-wasn't even in the same location in the hotel. We talked about wanting to tell her about how different it looks and things that she would have liked...like the face that there were now wide armless chairs, which are very fat friendly.

I have grown up with my grandma talking about things that her mother did and said; and things that she would have liked or that she would have disapproved of, so I know that I am in for a long road of memories popping up everywhere. And I'm ok with that--I'm the girl who hasn't lived in Hobbs in 8 years, but still talks about it everyday...ha ha. But I don't want this to all happen in vain. I don't want her death to be in vain. I keep thinking about writing a book.

Now, I am by no means an expert on the topic of death, mental illness, or anything else for that matter. I read an artile yesterday written by a woman who lost her husband on 9/11 and she talked a lot about just because it hit her close to home, that she is by no means an expert on terrorism, public policy, or anything else in that realm. And I agree. Except for the fact that the human spirit lives to have companionship. We are pack animals, so to speak, and we like to know what others experience. We like to look at someone else and say "Ohh, she has it much worse than me." or "That is exactly how I feel!" SO my mind is still spinning and most of my thoughts are incomplete. Easily distracted. But my incomplete thought right now is that I'm going to write a book about my life with my mom. And about this disease that took her life. People are still very afraid of mental illness. And that won't change until there are better treatments and we stop alienating the mentally ill. Until the stigma is gone and it's looked at like diabetes or cancer. Mental illness used to be looked at as a character flaw within the person. That is somewhat better today; but it is still looked at as an undesirable attribute. And it shouldn't be that way. So I'm working on what to do with all my thoughts, ideas, and sadness. I need to make something positive out of it--because that's the only way I'm going to get through each day missing her.

I'm off, my room service is here. Then I'm going to the art museum here at the Bellagio. I've always wanted to do it, and my mom has always said "maybe next time" because she didn't ever really want to go. Sadly, I don't have to consider that anymore.

Last Friday I talked to my mom on my way to work and she asked to spend the night with me. One week later, on Friday night, I am home from her funeral in Hobbs. People, humans, are resiliant...but life is fragile. And mental illness is this devil. I kept telling people that I was fine, because I always am. God is always with me and I am at peace with that. I also told them that the true test would be once I was home and alone. And I'm not doing so well with this test. I can rationally confort myself; but I am having a hard time calming my mind. I can't get some really horrible images out of my head. I can't stop wondering what her face looked like with a gun in her mouth. I can't stop wondering what her last thought was. I want to know if she was scared or sad or so crazy that she was peaceful. I know she knew that I loved her dearly, but I want to know if she knew it then.

I'm not spell checking because I'm crying to hard to do so...sorry grammar queens.

Could someone please blog. I keep getting on here as a diversion from reality and there is nothing new. Post pictures, post a me-me, something.

James came for Valentines Day. He was sick, so we just laid around a lot...but it was fun. We had dinner at 3 Forks last night. He gave me a little pink beanie baby poodle and kept appologizing because it's ears were wrinkled while traveling....I kept dismissing him and saying they were fine. Finally he told me to check them and I realized the pup had earrings on for me :). Little pink hearts. Very sweet. I was so sad he had to leave this morning, especially since it looks like I won't see him until I go there for the weekend of March 11th when we are going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the chance until now :). Anyway, he's sweet, Valentine's Day was good, and I'm going to do the Time Warp again for the first time very soon!

I'm a certified teacher, BTW. Well, just in Special Ed., but still...that was the main test I was worried about. I am about to take the PPR (Pedagogy and Professional Responsibilities) and then the generalist test. But I scored a nice 89% on my spec. ed. test. Yeah!

Carson is the cutest cat ever. I love his paw pads, they are pink with freckles. Just in case you were wondering.

What is your favorite word? splendorous

What is your least favorite word? moist

What turns you on? intelligence

What turns you off? pretentiousness

What sound do you love? Kitty purrs, harps

What sound do you hate? the smoke detector when the battery is low

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? professional shopper

What profession would you not like to participate in? anything on stage

If heaven exsists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I'll be so excited to be there...that it doesn't matter what He says!

Yall've heard me mention my high school friend, Jared Ashley before...so I thought that I would share this from an email he just sent me...

"...Well about my music career, it's had it's ups and downs that's for sure, I've had two major record deals and lost both of them. I had a single out in 2004 it did ok on Billboard charts...it charted at 70, but then I lost my deal. I've been touring like hell the last year and a half, we did over 230 dates last year. This year I think is gonna be my year, well I hope, and it looks that way. I am one of the ten finalist competing on USA's Nashville Star this year so I am excited about that, so starting March 14th you'll have to watch the show."

I'm so excited to have my TIVO...I am totally going to watch. He's a good guy...and from HOBBS...so yall hafta watch!

Four jobs you have had in your life: (in no particular order)

1. Worked for my Dad at Billy Walker Truckin'
2. Caprock Winery
3. MHMR
4. Friends of the Family

Four movies you would watch over and over again:

1. Shag
2. Young Guns II
3. Natural Born Killers
4. Pulp Fiction

Four places you have lived:

1. Hobbs, NM
2. Monterey, CA
3. Lubbock, TX
4. Corinth, TX

Four T.V. shows you love to watch:

1. Desperate Housewives
2. L Word
3. Six Feet Under
4. CSI-Las Vegas

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Hawaii
2. Cancun
3. Oregon
4. Washington, DC

Four web-sites I visit daily:

1. http://www.bigfatblog.com/
2. http://synergyrockslive.com/
3. http://www.weather.com/
4. http://www.myspace.com/ammthegr8

Four of my favorite foods:

1. beans
2. potatoes
3. tomatoes
4. cheese

Four places I'd rather be right now:

1. Cypress, TX
2. San Francisco
3. Vegas
4. nowhere really...I'm happy being at home...fixina go to the parents house for dinner...everything is cool...

Four bloggers I am tagging:

1. James
2. William
3. Allison
4. anyone else who hasn't done it

This time of year really chaps my hide with all dieters that swear that THIS year is going different and they are going to loose weight and keep it off. **Remember** If diets really worked, there wouldn't be any fat people...but whatever...And working with a bunch of staight women makes it even worse. So imagine my surprise when I came across this:

Stop Dieting! in U.S. News and World Report!

I love when there is a little common sence tossed into the media every now and then...especially when I also read this crap tonight. Forget the fact there this is a shortage of teachers...just make sure their are no fat ones! Neat.

I'm being evaluated by UNT bright and early in the morning and I'm extremely anxious. But I'm going to try to go sleep. And not dream about my professional portfolio....

I know I've mentioned this before, but just wondering if any of yall are on myspace? If you are, we should be friends.

http://www.myspace.com/ammthegr8

All in all the holidays were wonderful. James and I left Houston and came to Denton to hang out with my family on Christmas day and then went back to Houston for a few days. I came back because William's girlfriend, Heather, flew in for New Years. We hung out at Kim's last night. Nothing big, but it was cool. Ohhh! And I got Tivo too...I didn't know how much better life could be! That machine is truly a fabulous invention! I'm including a few pics...the quality sucks, but you get the idea. Happy 2006!


Roo found an nice hiding place to drive Nancy crazy.


Ariel view of the tree...and Nancy and Carson!


William and I in front of my tree.


Allison and I with our new furry socks from my mom.