So Mandy had a date tonight. With a cop named "Woody" from Flower Mound. She had fun. UNTIL she came home to find a nasty ass cottonmouth/water moccasin coiled up on the "Welcome" mat on MY porch. She stepped on the mat, freaked, and slowly backed up. She tapped on the window which made my guard poodle go insane. Vic opened the door and slammed it. He didn't want the poodle go get out. I hurried and grabbed her collar, and he crept out. The snake had then moved to the front of the porch.

Back up. Last week we went to Lowe's Hardware for 2 damn hours. During that time he insisted among other things, that we purchase a "flat hoe" because "what if we have a snake?"

Ok, so he sneaks past the snake to his truck where the hoe is still laying. He comes back to the porch and strikes and holds the flat hoe on the slithery's neck. Mandy got the flash light so we could all see better. Nancy was having a fit. The snake was flippin and floppin, it even coiled its body around the flat hoe handle! Finally, he sawed it's head off. Body still movin around. It was SO gross.

I'm forever scarred. I will never walk out of this house again and not be looking for pit vipers. My dad and I saw a copperhead right after I first moved in, and now this!

And did I tell yall that Vic had already chased a little racer snake out of the garage???

I'm moving to Antarctica. No snakes, no bugs. I'll get used to there being no people...

I went to a "first day" of school. I'm proud of me. It was Rehabilitation Counseling Theories. I was scared of this class before today; it sounded hard. Ok, not hard, just like it was going to require more effort that I wanted to give. But he wants us to "discover ourselves." He says that to go into counseling that one must have some unresolved issues and that we must confront them. Basically a nicer way of saying shrinks are nuts...you know, the "takes one to know one" thing. Anyway, we only have one "big" paper and it's just 12 pages, 8 sources! And it's all about MY theory of counseling. I think that's cool.

On a side note, there is a man in my class that has a big silver hook for a hand. I liked it and decided that the next time I see him I'm going to tell him I think it's cool. We walked to the coke machine together. There is also a dude in a wheelchair due to a spinal cord injury, and a chick with a noticeable speak problem due to a brain injury. There are only 14 people in the class. That is why rehab is so cool. There are people with some real challenges and they are overcoming them. My challenges are: procrastination, making excuses, laziness, being judgmental, and just generally being a bitch. I just think I have real problems until I am around people with REAL real issues.

It's supposed to be raining here and all it is is windy. I left SE NM/ west TX to get away from sand storms. Blick!

I love to be corrected only to find out that the one who corrected was also WRONG. There is a certain personal satisfaction in that. So here's to Miss Mist: Plllllllllllbbbbbbbbbbb. Not as smart as she thought!

This should be a lesson. Don't fucking correct me, I know I'm a tard. I have the learning disability papers to prove it.

I almost forgot!!!

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY WILLIAM!

WOO-HOO!

I made pita pizzas for lunch today and they were SO good. Vic ate 2! We had them with salad. Yummy.

Bag 'o pitas
Small jar of pizza sauce
Cheese

Pre-heat oven (or toaster oven) to 350. Put pitas on a cookie sheet, spoon however much sauce covers it (usually 2-3 regular size spoons) and spread it to the edges. Use either deli sliced, or grated cheese and cover sauced area to taste. Bake for 6-8 minutes.

I am a regular chef these days. I'm cooking dinner also, I thawed chicken. Not sure what I'm going to do with it yet.

I should start a cooking show. "One Fat Lady" will be the title. Every day I will wear beautiful fashions and a different apron. I will walk out fashionably cool and then pick up my apron that enhances my attire. Then I will cook something fun and easy and sometimes semi-ly healthy. This show will have multi purposes. It will be to show that most fat people eat normally and are not oinkers like portrayed on TV. It will also encourage clothes makers to make fat girl clothes since my show will be such a hit they will want me to wear their clothes. I will have different guests on there that come to share easy recipes and I will fly them to my show on Delta Airlines because they are fat friendly. On Fridays we will have drink recipes and I will invite lots of girls and we will get sloshed on the air, kind of like the View...but drunk.

Ideas like this make me gitty.

Again, if something is understandable, then you need not ask questions. If Carson is the one being shaved, then who's nippled do you think got chopped. Take two seconds and process.

And I *worsh* my hair, thanks. So does Bob. So does Kay. Talk to them.

People who are MEAN do typically hate to fall asleep. They are scared of what will happen to them in their sleep. Baw wha wha wha!

Sorry, I didn't go to a rich school district like some. As long as you knew what I meant, then that's all that matters. Don't correct me, Miss "I eat at Boo-Fays and shop at Alcozzz."

Vic FINALLY met Lance and Lori and the gang. We met them for dinner in Frisco at La Hacienda Ranch. It was fun. Lance seems to have lost some weight. Kelsi is about my height and her feet looked almost as big.

Afterwards we went to the grocery store to get some grub. We are going to only eat at home and we are going to eat healthier. You know, Lean Cuisine pizza's rather than Tombstone. No, we got lots of good veggies and stuff too. Including Cran-Grape Juice LITE! It's made with Splenda, which I love! Bob being diabetic and all; I know my artificals sweetners.

Carson got a shavin' today and Vic damn near cut off a nipple. But he stopped bleeding shortly after I put Neosporian on it. He looks awful snazzy, like the little lion he is. He was asking about Ms. Judy today. He was thinking about getting together for some 'Nip or tongue bath or somethin....

I plee the 5th. I do not know anything about the "GG's." And I've always like both MASH and the Twilight Zone, but not when there is other stuff to choose from. Those are only to fall back upon.

Mandy's VERY conservative Mom (Gwen) and Sister (Casey) will be joining us in Lost Wages for the weddin. They are in for a shock!

I am marrying a damn TV Nazi. He must be in control of the flipper or he starts to shake and foam at the mouth. Usually I deal; I don't mind the old reruns of Mash, the Twilight Zone, or even Back to the Future (twice today). But I have to put my foot down when it comes to the freakin' football game. Is it supposed to matter that the Broncos are playing? I think not. So here I am, pissed off...ready to get divorced except I'm not married yet...on the computer. I would leave, but I haven't taken a shower today (which seems to be a common occurrence lately). Maybe I'll leave stinky. Ha! Yes! I'm going to Quizno's.

Hippity Bobbity Shazam! May the Broncos the biggest loozzzzers of the season, tonight and forever!

3 months?!?! My ass! It's 47 days from today, that's just a little over 6 weeks! Holy wedding veils!

I'm home, kitty missed me so much. Mandy killed a scorpian while we were gone, the bug man will be here in the morning, 10 sharp!

Oh yeah, I forgot to add....Neither Misti or I have gotten dressed today. We did leave the house twice to get food. Other than that we laid in either her bed or on the couch. Worthless, I say!

I'm at Misti's. I've been in Hobbs for SO long. I finally took a break on Friday and came to Midland. We went out last night to Logan's, Chelsea's, and Grahm's (sp?). We drank too much in too little time. It was fun though, I saw 2 Hobbs people. One was the doorman at the last place. I went to school w/ him from like 4th grade on. Never once had I spoken to him before my drunken friendly self introduced me last night. He acted like he didn't know me, but he did. I'm not even that cocky, but I know that he knew me. The other was this guy that I totally recognized his name, but didn't his face. He was 2 years younger than me and a thug (I think) and he approached me in the parking lot and used the same line that I did to the door man..."Aren't you from Hobbs?!" SO not only is Odessa full of Andrews people...they must all be mingling with H-town people. Small world.

I'm going back to Hobbs tomorrow to wait for Vic to come back (he flew back to DFW on Thursday to work all weekend) and we might be getting a new addition to the family. No, not another furbaby, but a truck. Yeah! I really want to get rid of his truck. I hate it. We will be in Hobbs til Friday then Lubbock til Sunday. Most people when they go on two week vacations choose somewhere other than Southeastern New Mexico and West Texas.

I miss my Kitty Witty, we left him at home! My Fancy Nancy is in Hobbs though with her Grandparents and Uncle. She's got a sinus infection.

I had to get my Bob a birthday present (it was yesterday, but I'm going home tomorrow) and a purple tie for each Bob and Will for the wedding AND a black and gold tie for Will for his Sr. pics. SO I head out to the mall. Little did I know what lurked before me. You see, it was "tax free" weekend. It was wild. It was hot. And I was bitchy. I told this little crying kid in Northpark mall to "MOVE." His mother looked at me like I was the devil. I was.

I mean, for ba-jeesie's sake. It's a whooping 7.5 percent sale. On CLOTHING items that cost less than $100 ONLY. That's really not that neat. I mean, I would rather not pay it than pay it. But still. There was no need for every person in the greater DFW area to follow me to the mall.

The man did mess up and not charge me tax for my dad's shirt. It was 55 over 100 and he didn't notice. And all 3 ties were already 50% off. A heck of a deal. But I still would have rather paid the extra money and been the only person at the mall.

I don't like crowds, especially ones of fake breasted snotty women. Yuck.

I have been building invitations. If you build them, they will come. I hate my invitations. They aren't pretty. I got Carrie William's invitation in the mail and it is beautiful. Much prettier than mine. Vic told me I was being stupid and they she probably had a much bigger budget and that I'm getting caught up in the whole wedding "hoop-la". Whatever. Her's are better.

I'm going home on Monday and Mom sent Rowdy to the beauty shop in honor of our arrival. Nancy goes tomorrow before she graduates. Two beautiful Poo's, how splendid.

Today should be Cousin's last day of hell. Where-oh-where is she? Tell us, are you now a real live teacher???

Today is my last day of work. I'm happy and I'm sad. I'm happy because tonight Vic and I are going to register for wedding presents and to look at trucks. But I really like it there, so I am sad. But I'm still going to volunteer. We are going to lunch for me today, a bye bye lunch. I hate things done in my honor.

Kitty is out of food and he KEEPS talking. He ate a ton this morning, and he still has crumbs in his bowl. So Vic just went to Pet Smart because Carson things he may die. Poor, poor skinny turkey!

I'm going to Hobbs next week and so is Vic. How you ask? Because he quit his week job. Just walked away. He hated it. That is the perfect example of if you don't like what you are doing, then money means nothing. He was still taking X-rays, but the population was totally different. Think about who the people are that can't get to the hospital to take X-rays. Yes, that's right, extremely old people and retarded people. He likes the excitement of the ER, not the smell of death. Poor thing, he tried. That must by why they pay you twice as much to do portables. But he ask for a raise in his weekend job and is applying for a part time "PRN" (means "as needed") job during the week. SO they would call him and say "Hey, dude, like can you come in and take some X-rays?" And he can say "totally" or "no waaaay." SO that would be cool. He needs something though, I am steady trying to be a housewife and he needs to bring home the bacon! Hee hee.