I spent too much money this weekend. I couldn't help it. Misti made me do it.

I just got home from the biz-ar. Me and V went to Mandy's folks for dinner and then out w/ the bians. It was so fun! I drank 4 beer and an orange julieus (sp) shot that was SO SO SO tasty!!! I sat next to Teri, so it was extra amusing.

Tomorrow night Mandy and Teri are playing in a soft ball game that is right by the his-ouse so WE are going to go check it out. Also, on Friday, WE have to go eat at Chili's (blah) for lunch because Teri is a server (notice how PC I am :)) and she said she'd hook us up. We are going to go about 1:30ish cuz she gots off at 2 and she is going to follow us to the house and we are going to smiz-oke and hang out. She want's to meet Ivan the Terrible.

Ok, must sleep. Actually, I've not had a cup o' noodles in some time now. I shall...

I went to the Texas Back Institute and have "severe to be this young" Lumbar Degenerative Disk Disease. What I gathered from that is the area below the L5 disk is shrinking into the S1, thus putting pressure on my sciatic nerve.

They are expecting that physical therapy 3x a week to strengthen the muscles in my lower back and an NSAID will do the trick. I'm also going to try to force myself back into swimming because that helps everything.

I was THRILLED that no one mentioned my weight at all, and actually commented that I was in great shape based on blood pressure and flexibility...though I'm sure that's relative to the patients they normally see who are in much worse shape than myself!

In other, much more fun news...I traded my car in today for a VW Beetle! After driving it (ok, just sitting it did it!) I fell in love with it. They aren't too wide, but because the steering wheel telescopes in and out not just up and down...there are a good 6-8 inches between me and the steering wheel AND my legs don't have to stretch all the way out to reach the petal!!! There is also probably a foot of seatbelt length left after I get it buckled!! Very very comfy overall.

It's black; I have a thing for black automobiles. But I can't decide between black or cream inside. They have the cream inside in stock, and a black inside on the truck in Houston that will be here at the end of the week. In all honesty, I like the cream better...but I'm worried about being able to keep it clean. The only thing I don't like is you can NOT get them with a CD player. Some crap about nostalgia. But I listen to the radio mostly and I *am* a child of the 80's who still happens to be rather fond of tapes. But for any of you who have tapes and don't listen to them, please email me at:

ammthegr8@hotmail.com

to get my address so that you may make a donation. :). Besides, who can resist a car that comes standard with a flower vase on the dash board?!

Just for fun, I'm now going to name all auto's that I've had since getting my driver's permit at age 14 in Jan of 1993.

1991 Red Jeep Grand Cherokee aprox Jan-March 93
1993 Red Camero Z28 March 18, 1993 until March 18, 1994
1990 Baby blue w/ wood paneling station wagon Mar 19-June 1, 1994
1994 Red Pontiac Grand Prix June 1-end Aug 1994
(same thunder wagon anytime home from boarding school Aug 94-May 95)
1994 Red & Black Z71 truck May-Aug 95
1994 White Buick Roadmaster Aug 95-April 96
1996 Maroon Chevy Blazer April 96-Spring 99
1999 Black Tahoe Sport Spring 99-Jan 2001
2001 Black Pontiac Bonneville SSEi Jan 01-today
2003 Black VW Beetle GLX Turbo today-?

10 cars in 10 years it seems. I love cars. I even loved my grocery-go-getter and my tylenol (roadmaster…shaped like a giant gel cap…you know). I’m also spoiled and admit it. That’s fine as long as I’m not bratty.

Ok, I’m off. Peace in the Middle East.

I'm so glad that this war has everyone out of their shells and blogging!

LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!:

http://threebells0.tripod.com/

That's how they told the family the news! How clever Kim is!

I had a rather feisty day today.

I wore an outfit today that Vic said he couldn't hear me speaking over because it was so LOUD. We have been thinking of trading in my Bonneville for a Beetle. As I'm standing there in my loud but very cute outfit, the young, good-looking VW salesman asked me why I'm interested in this car. I smiled broadly and explained to him that "Like me, this car is short and fat and that in most cars I don't have much room between me and the steering wheel; but in this one I do...and I have TONS of slack in the seatbelt." Batted my eyes and then said "It's fat friendly, and I'm fat...it's cute, and I'm cute." I added that part for the two skinny chicks that were listening from the info desk. They began staring as soon as we walked in (could have been that my outfit is see-through, didn't care) but were obviously shocked that I used fat and cute in the same sentence to describe something other than a bunny or a baby.

Talk about shock and awe! Sorry, bad joke, anyway...moving on...

WARNING: SLIGHT RANT.

If everyone looked the same, people-watching would be pointless, and I LOVE variety! Just like when I go get a bagel and they only have sesame seed ones left and I'm disappointed at the lack of variety. Why am I the only one who gets it? What on earth possesses the whole world to think that being thin, blonde, and tan is the #1 way to be looked at favorably? Not at all saying those things are bad, but I want something fat, bald, and pastey to go with it and everything else.

And you know what else??? My own personal comfort is the most important thing these days. I'm not going to just "grin and bear it" when someone tried to stick me in the corner booth or make me go threw the turnstile to get into Seaworld or wear shoes because they are in style but hurt like hell to actually stand up in. I haven't for sometime now when I was w/ the fat parents, Vic, or someone else I know won't care when I make a stink...but I think those days are over. If I see a way that I can be most comfy, I'm going to do my damnest to get it. Unless of course I'm in the mood to wear torturous shoes or be in the booth in the corner, then (like the other night when me and Bernadette wanted to talk privately at Cattle Baron!) I will grin and bear it. But I will no longer feel that I have to for anyone other than me.

OH! And trying to browse in the antique store today?! I was a nervous wreck that my ass was going to knock some table that was missing 1/2 a leg over and break some gnarly nick-knack that should have been thrown in the damn trash back when Texas only had 5 flags over it! That's not my fault, it's theirs. Stop being greedy and pack-ratish and go through with a couple of BOXES of lawn and leaf bags...then there will be some room to walk and I bet some of that horrible stench will fade too. SO, I left without buying 2 stained glass windows that I had intended to purchase just because I was annoyed.

END RANT.

I can remember being in Hawaii several years ago and seeing this beautiful woman walking along the beach. She was probably 6 feet and 400+ lbs. She had wavy black hair down to her knees and was wearing a sarong-type skirt that was just tied around her waist and a top that showed her stomach and a bright yellow flower behind her ear. Her (assuming) husband was holding her hand as they walked but when they paused to stare at the luau; he stood behind her and put both his hands on her wide, shelf-like hips. I couldn't take my eyes off of her/them...she was SO beautiful...she seemed to have this positive energy that effortlessly demanded attention and respect.

I love to remember her. She has NO idea how often I think of her.

I'm still in Hobbs. We are going home tomorrow. I miss my kitty and my poos. Well, one poo. Not really, this whole war thing makes me miss ALL my babies.

I can remember the terrible anxiety I felt in Jan of 7th grade waiting for the war to start. At that point in time, I don't remember having any fear of my own "homeland." But thanks to the events about 18 months ago, there is a large part of me that is "what if-ing" uncontrollably. I keep having these horrible images of someone bombing Dallas and what my poor fur babies would do...kitty is trapped alone in the house and the poos are locked up at the vet. Now, the logical part of me knows that even if there were to be some attack on the US, Dallas wouldn't be the first choice and it wouldn't be before tomorrow night when I can get home and get the poos home where they belong. But still. I don't blame the potheads of the 1960's who just toked all their cares away. War is scary. War is stressful. But, sadly, war is necessary.

I wish all of you are peaceful place to go, even if it's just in your mind.

3 posts in one day! Making up for all those other times when I didn't blog!

Anyway, I found this and dig it the most. Afua Cooper is from Jamaica, mon!

"To Khetiwe" by Afua Cooper.

So sista
you ask me
what can a woman who likes being big
a woman who enjoys her size
do when other sistas make unfavourable comments about
it and coyly suggest weight-loss clinic
"it's not easy being a fat Black woman," you say

I can make a few suggestions
potential replies to throw back at these mahgah women
first tell them that you are into yourself
and because you are into yourself
you're not a slave to fashion
not a slave of babylon
then tell them that thin might be in
but fat is no sin
next, ask if they know of their ancient traditions
that in southeastern Nigeria
the rich and not so rich used to send their daughters
to Old Calabar to make them beautiful
beautiful in this case meant
fat
plump
above size 12

I forgot to mention that I made the damn appt. I go see the P.A. at the Texas Back Institute on the 25th at 1:30 so she can order an MRI or whatever before I see the actual Dr. They only see new patients on Tue afternoons, and they can't see me next week. Which is pretty much fine cause I'll be in little H-town.

But another thing that is going to mess it all up is Vic took a new job today. It's at Children's Med Ctr of Dallas. He'll start the 31st with a pay raise of 9 bucks an hour compared to where he's at now. It's from 3-11 M-F, but for the first month he'll be 8-5...it's also a good 30 minutes away. So for now we are going to have a seminormal life! I can't wait for us to start going to church!!! YEAH! But we will have to change insurances. No yeah. SO, I'm a little anxious that while the TX Back Institute takes my current insurance; what if they won't take my new one and I go and have an MRI all for nothing just to have to start all over and find a new place to go?!?!

Maybe I should cancel the appt and wait till we have our new insurance....

OH MY GOSH!!! Am I the only one who is TOTALLY amazed that they found that little Smart girl?! I had written her off long ago. What I really want to know is why in the heck did a 15 year old girl not make some kind of escape attempt in 9 months? I mean, maybe she did...but still, they are saying she appears to be in good shape! And wasn't she just walking down the street? I would have risked a bullet in the back for a chance at my freedom! There has got to be more to this story!

House guests cause stress in the most unusual ways.

I'm off to the big H (Houston) and then on Monday to the little H (Hobbs). I'll try to check in periodically. In the mean time, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

My parents got here Saturday and Bob left on Sunday. They were not supposed to be here until Monday and I didn't find out until late Friday night they were coming. I have to frantically put the house together. Mom is still here. We are going to Big As Texas (aka the fat convention) on Thursday.

We are going assuming I can walk. Seems that my back has taken a turn for the worse and I look like a complete gimp. It's only been hurting for the past year or so. I know that it had been hurting for a while when we moved into this house and that will be a year next month. I think it is my siatic (sp?) nerve because the pain totally radiates down my leg. But what makes it even stupider is sometimes it's the left side, sometimes it's the right. That is exactly why I've put off going to the Dr. There is nothing they can do for me. And they will tell me it's because I'm fat. I know they will, and it's not. How do I know it's not? Well besides the fact that thin people have back problems too, it's because some days I don't hurt at all and I'm still the same fat.

So you want one of my main theories as to why fat people do indeed often times die younger? Because they aren't given/or don't seek proper medical care. I go to the Dr. with a sinus infection and it's because I'm fat. I go with in-grown toenails and it's because I'm fat. Both true stories that have happened to me! So even though I'm WAY smart enough to know that is not the case, it still makes me have this terrible anxiety about actually seeing Dr's because they are conditioned to tell people that all their problems would be solved if they weren't fat. Therefore, I have put off seeing a Dr. because I know (or as Vic says, "I think I know") what they are going to say. AND I'm pretty good about Dr's, I don't put up with their bullshit. But there are people (like my mother!) who hasn't seen a Dr, including a neat little yearly smear, in years...in Kay's case, it's 7 years. The last time she went he was so mean to her that she hasn't been back. And it's only hurting her. So, heaven forbid, she has the beginnings of cancer or something...we will never know it until she collapses. If she had been a thin/thinner person, she wouldn't have missed all these years.

So just to continue the point, my friend C.J. has breast cancer. They won't treat her because she weighs more then the table is alloted for. So while she is fighting with the hospital in Lubbock, she is slowly getting worse. So if she dies, it's because she's fat? Um, no. It's because she can't get adequate medical attention.

The whole thing makes my head want to explode. But it won't. I'll make the damn appt and I'll go, and I'll fight tooth and nail with them to be treated with the same respect as I would if I were what size society wants me to be. Bastards.

I'm home. Got back last night bout 7:30ish. I had so much fun! Avery is a sweet sweet girl. They got a new couch while I was there, of course Bryan tried to blame it on me. It really wasn't my fault. I just offered Kimmy support in her hunt.

I didn't miss Frank AT ALL. Does that make me a bad poodle mom?

What is a blog? Um. Well. This. It's like a journal kinda, but other people can read it...if they know your address. But mine is completely pointless, like a daily log (hence the name, web+log=blog) of what I'm doing if I actually get around to updating. It's fun, you'd prolly like it. I didn't think that I'd have enough to talk about, but I was kidding myself. Hee Hee Snort.

So I'm off to Kim's. Haven't been there to STN since before Avery was in her tummy. That's been like 1.5 yrs. TOO LONG! I cleaned out my make up and I’m taking her the results. She loves when I do that. I’m also taking her her Christmas present…just a wee bit late.

School completely wore me out this past weekend and I'm so so so glad that I don't have to go back until April, and it's half way done! Well, I have to go to my Thursday class...but that's not bad at all.

I talked to Landon yesterday; he's in Palestine, TX working with shuttle debris. He's living out of a tent. He's been there for 14 days and will be there 14 more. Sounds like hell to me, but he LOVES it. It's amazing to me that we got along so well, we are nothing alike.

Ok, must drive.