My parents got here Saturday and Bob left on Sunday. They were not supposed to be here until Monday and I didn't find out until late Friday night they were coming. I have to frantically put the house together. Mom is still here. We are going to Big As Texas (aka the fat convention) on Thursday.

We are going assuming I can walk. Seems that my back has taken a turn for the worse and I look like a complete gimp. It's only been hurting for the past year or so. I know that it had been hurting for a while when we moved into this house and that will be a year next month. I think it is my siatic (sp?) nerve because the pain totally radiates down my leg. But what makes it even stupider is sometimes it's the left side, sometimes it's the right. That is exactly why I've put off going to the Dr. There is nothing they can do for me. And they will tell me it's because I'm fat. I know they will, and it's not. How do I know it's not? Well besides the fact that thin people have back problems too, it's because some days I don't hurt at all and I'm still the same fat.

So you want one of my main theories as to why fat people do indeed often times die younger? Because they aren't given/or don't seek proper medical care. I go to the Dr. with a sinus infection and it's because I'm fat. I go with in-grown toenails and it's because I'm fat. Both true stories that have happened to me! So even though I'm WAY smart enough to know that is not the case, it still makes me have this terrible anxiety about actually seeing Dr's because they are conditioned to tell people that all their problems would be solved if they weren't fat. Therefore, I have put off seeing a Dr. because I know (or as Vic says, "I think I know") what they are going to say. AND I'm pretty good about Dr's, I don't put up with their bullshit. But there are people (like my mother!) who hasn't seen a Dr, including a neat little yearly smear, in years...in Kay's case, it's 7 years. The last time she went he was so mean to her that she hasn't been back. And it's only hurting her. So, heaven forbid, she has the beginnings of cancer or something...we will never know it until she collapses. If she had been a thin/thinner person, she wouldn't have missed all these years.

So just to continue the point, my friend C.J. has breast cancer. They won't treat her because she weighs more then the table is alloted for. So while she is fighting with the hospital in Lubbock, she is slowly getting worse. So if she dies, it's because she's fat? Um, no. It's because she can't get adequate medical attention.

The whole thing makes my head want to explode. But it won't. I'll make the damn appt and I'll go, and I'll fight tooth and nail with them to be treated with the same respect as I would if I were what size society wants me to be. Bastards.